Bros, brahs, bruhs, hombres, hermanos, and whatever other languages are out there (I only know English and Spanish so my lexicon is limited). No, I’m not talking about your blood-related siblings; I’m talking about the spurious clan of males that dominate most gyms across the globe.
Don’t get me wrong, being a “bro” isn’t the worst thing in the world, and in many ways the bodybuilding subculture should actually be grateful for the lessons learned from countless years of “broscience”. Heck, when I first got into weight lifting I did pretty much everything like a bro.
So rather than write an article condemning this controversial caste of individuals, I figured it would be more entertaining to dabble in ways to decipher whether or not what you’re doing is making you a bro or not. This should be handy if you’re trying to avoid being a bro, or contrarily, if you’re looking to be the newest member of the bro tribe (they welcome most any male individual with open arms from what I can tell).
Obviously not everything on the forthcoming list is completely serious so lighten up a bit before you get sent into a heated rampage over your degree of bro-ness (or lack thereof). With that being said, enjoy the following list of 50 things that make you a bro, bro:
You know you’re a bro if…
1. …You follow workouts suggested by typical bodybuilding magazines.
2. …You wake up in the middle of the night to drink a protein shake for fear of losing muscle.
3. …You don’t even lift but still ask others if they even lift.
4. …You wear long pants with a sleeveless tee to cover up your scrawny legs and show off your “broceps”.
5. …You wear DJ-style headphones while you train.
6. …You designate your meals by number instead of traditional terms like breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc.
7. …You text and/or talk on the phone in between sets.
8. …Your leg day consists exclusively of machine exercises.
9. …You have a day dedicated solely to abdominal training.
10. …You need a pre-workout supplement before you train.
11. …You wear bodybuilder posing trunks during training.
12. …You base who you listen to solely on how a person looks.
13. …You base who you listen to solely on a person’s educational background.
14. …You believe whey protein can't be used in food/baking because it “denatures the protein”.
15. …You think creatine is a steroid.
16. …You think creatine is bad for the kidneys.
17. …You scream “Yea budday!” while you lift.
18. …You wear a lifting belt during pretty much any exercise that doesn’t even involve your core.
19. …You wear lifting gloves.
20. …You find it absolutely imperative to drink a precise 2:1 carbohydrate-to-protein shake within 5 minutes of finishing your workout.
21. …You have someone spot you on bicep curls.
22. …You’re a Caucasian male brought up in a middle/upper-class family from the suburbs that wears sleeveless tees in the gym to show off his tribal tattoo (which signifies your otherwise non-existent Native American heritage to the fullest).
23. …You talk to yourself in a conceited manner during your sets—“Yea, squeeze it, c’mon, one more rep.”
24. …You wear Abercrombie/Hollister/American Eagle clothing in the gym.
25. …You think pro-hormones are “hardcore” supplements.
26. …You think steroids automatically transform you into He-Man.
27. …You buy your supplements at a certain 3-lettered franchise store (think about it, you’ll figure it out).
28. …You train hung over.
29. …You think pre-training sex will “ruin your gains”.
30. …You have UFC/MMA logo tattoos.
31. …You wear sunglasses in the gym.
32. …You believe certain exercises can actually “etch detail” into and “tone” muscles.
33. …You train solely to get a “pump”.
34. …You think your body will randomly start catabolizing muscle if you train for longer than 60 minutes.
35. …You train your calves but never your quads or hamstrings.
36. …You think eating fish will “thin your skin”.
37. …You think volume trumps intensity.
38. …You bench on Mondays (like the rest of the world).
39. …You do lat pull-downs instead of pull-ups or chin-ups.
40. …You go to the gym just to ogle fitness chicks.
41. …You wear a mouth guard while lifting weights.
42. …You pose in the mirror in between sets.
43. …You use a neck pad on the bar during squats.
44. …You assume everyone with a halfway decent physique is on steroids.
45. …You assume everyone with a halfway decent physique is natural (i.e. drug-free).
46. …You think Metallica is as hardcore as rock music gets.
47. …You carry pre-packed Tupperware full of chicken breast and rice everywhere you go.
48. …You eat every 3 hours on the dot.
49. …You carry a gallon jug of water with you everywhere.
50. …You don’t eat whole eggs because of their cholesterol content.
Love the little boys with their hurt feelings here. Hits too close to.home, doesn't it posers?
#6,#23,#43, and #49. If you don't like it you can bite me.
If i'm a "BRO" I don't care one incy little bit, im not ruining these $50 "man-icures" so im wearing gloves at every opp., now let me get back to applying my morning moisturiser before i press 250!...toodles!
Gayest article on the internet
So why are so many people taking this article seriously? Guess you "bros" can't take a joke or can't read.
3-lettered franchise store.... made my day.
I use lifting gloves and a neck pad for barbell squats...I don't see anything wrong with that. Some men find it great to have these nasty looking callus in their hands. I find it disgusting as do most women they probably looking to date.
"You follow workouts suggested by typical bodybuilding magazines."
So for example anyone following this website is a bro lifter??
Everyone was or is still guilty of some of the points on the list...I wear gloves & use a pad for squats, not ashamed and will continue to do so.
What about grunting like an animal? that should be in the list...guy at my gym grunts just picking up dumbells from the rack and gets louder when the ladies turn up. I hate grunters
This article seems like the person who writes it is a little to worried about what others do in the gym.
Don't forget "You Know You Are A Bro" if it takes you 10 minutes to find a tune on your IPhone to do a 1 minute set
What if you follow workouts suggested by typical bodybuilding websites (muscleandstregth.com)...haha!
You can tell who the bros are by reading the comments
"Obviously not everything on the forthcoming list is completely serious so lighten up a bit before you get sent into a heated rampage over your degree of bro-ness (or lack thereof)."
Did anybody even bother to read this part of the article?
With the exception of ^Elliot^, it seems like the irony of this amusing article was wasted on all who commented. You're clearly all bros. not you though, Elliot; you can actually read.
So I'm a bro now if I use a product from GNC? That's just stupid.
In Bulgaria we call this guys- tourists!They curl on the squat rack,they don't use towels,talk loud through the all workout about cars,politics,and my favourite-"you doing it wrong bro,let me show you " etc!
That thing about the pre-packaged Tupperware is for people who are serious about their training and diet, not because they are a bro or trying to be a bro. When you want to compete, you have to be exact and strict. Also, bros don't think creatine is a steroid. And that part about listening to training advice from a person who has a nice educational background: if someone came in with a master's in How to Get Big, I would definitely listen to them.
44 and 45 are complete opposite.
That's the joke. Bro's are super judgmental and stereotype errrybody. That's irony of the article, it's totally bro-ish to mock people who do most of these things.
Whew Glad I train at home again lol!
I like how just because you don't buy your supplements from their online store and use GNC you're a bro. Whoops. Spoiler alert.
The first 10 are the best but I don't understand why 43 is there , that shit hurts without it . I'd actually say calling people who use them pussys is a bro thing
It only hurts if you're using weak technique. Using the padding masks your poor technique. Drop the weight, learn to squat properly and build the weight back up.
POG's Chris Jones ! Big legs and even he uses a pad , if it gets results who honestly cares ?
You mean the bi+ch pillow? You shouldn't be using that.... when you start lifting heavy weights, you want to feel that weight on your traps and learn to control it.
phurk.... I think at least half of these apply to me. But gloves get a bad rap. most chicks don't like their tittays getting squeezed by hands that feel like pine cones.
most girls don't like girly hands squeezing their tittays either brah
To everyone angry about 1 thing on here. Just think of it like a maybe. If you have 2 or 3 of those apply to you it doesn't matter. If you fit 10+ of those then yeah you just might be a bro
This makes aloto sense..u tackle even some mistakes ive made coz wen I joined the gym, others were doing it and you tend to listen to older members of the broclubs
this made my day, especially the tribal tat one...so true
Mma tattoos? That's just stupid go ahead and insult all the fighters out there
you say that in a tone that seems to suggest mma fighters have some sort of merit we should consider when speaking of them
men who's main source of income is earned through the oldest and most brutal form of competition known to man since the dawn of humanity? a sport that requires hours of tireless strength and conditioning coupled with a dedication to several martial arts and a diet any normal human being would consider cruel and unusual?
yes. i think that might merit some respect.
I do only two of these things so I am pretty sure I am not a bro lifter