We all have those days, ya know, the ones where we can think of an infinitesimal amount of paltry excuses to not stick to our training regimen. Well, frankly, if you want to succeed at improving your body and health, you’ll have to overcome the habit of making excuses and get your bum in the gym!
In light of this, here’s a brief list of some rather lame first-world excuses you likely have stashed away in your cerebrum for those “bleh” days. Alas, since these excuses all suck (for lack of a better term), I’ve included sarcastic, witty responses to them, but don’t be fooled as they all contain some concealed truth.
50 Lame Excuses Not To Workout
1. “My diet has been off today, might as well just skip the gym.”
a. “I like your logic, two negatives equal a positive.”
2. “Crap, I forgot my iPhone at home! Welp, no gym for me today.”
a. “…Because heaven forbid you spend an hour away from your phone for once.”
3. “My insulin sensitivity sucks, I think I have dia-beet-iss.”
a. “Come on man, you can dia-beat-this.”
4. “Damn, all the benches are taken and it’s Monday (AKA National Chest Day). I’m outta here”
a. “You know, there are other muscles in the human body besides the pectorals.”
5. “I ran out of my pre-workout supplement today.”
a. “Yea, I wonder what they did back in the 1970s when pre-workouts didn’t exist?”
6. “I’ve been on my feet all day doing chores.”
a. “Perfectly valid excuse, vacuuming and doing laundry is taxing for the central nervous system.”
7. “Got a bit of a sniffle going on today, I think I’ll just lie around.”
a. “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, should I make you some chicken noodle soup…honey buns?”
8. “My car is in the shop, screw walking/running/biking to the gym.”
a. “Want me to call you a cab, you lazy bum?”
9. “Shoot, I forgot my intra-workout BCAAs; I’ll go catabolic if I lift now.”
a. “Good point, science and anecdotes both agree that’s what happens when you train without drinking BCAAs.”
10. “It’s leg day. Meh, who needs ‘em anyway?”
a. “Yea, I saw a guy doing squats the other day…what an idiot!”
11. “It’s the Sabbath day; God doesn’t want me to train today.”
a. “It’s the 11th commandment right? Thou shalt not hoist on Sundays?”
12. “Great! That bro is curling in the squat rack, how will I squat now?!”
a. “Go squat in that curl rack.”
13. “Somebody is squatting in the curl rack, how will I train biceps now!?”
a. “Finally, redemption for all the years of wasteful bicep curls spent in the squat rack.”
14. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
a. “Having those boogey man nightmares again?”
15. “I’m feeling constipated today.”
a. “Thus they invented Metamucil.”
16. “I’m too exhausted from watching the kids all day.”
a. “I believe it, watching kids run around is tough on the retinas.”
17. “There’s always tomorrow.”
a. “Not according to Apollo Creed.”
18. “I’m still hung over from the bar last night.”
a. “Come on brah, just pop some Tylenol.” (NOTE: Don’t do this!)
19. “I just got done with a long day at the office, not feeling the gym tonight.”
a. “True, the glutes do take a beating sitting at a desk all day.”
20. [Overweight individual] “Cardio is overrated…”
a. “…Yea, the cardiovascular system isn’t even that important to humans.”
21. [Underweight individual] “Resistance training is overrated…”
a. “…Go run a few more marathons and let me know how yoked you are afterwards.”
22. “I’m out of whey protein, how will I recover after lifting today?”
a. “I don’t know, whole food maybe?”
23. “I’m fasting today; don’t want to burn off my muscles as ‘fuel’.”
a. “At least you have a solid understanding of how the body works.”
24. “I hate my training routine; I’ll just sit and research for a better one instead of exercising today.”
a. “I heard the secret of many pro bodybuilders is their exceptional ability to search Google all day for the perfect training routine.”
25. “It’s been 7 days already and I haven’t noticed any changes in my body.”
a. “It is unfair that years, possibly decades, of gluttony can’t be undone overnight, isn’t it?”
26. “I don’t know how to perform [insert exercise] and I don’t feel like learning.”
a. “Just hire a trainer to learn it for you.”
27. “It’s too expensive to join a gym.”
a. “You’re reading this article on a device that would cover the cost of many years at a gym.”
28. “Exercising is hard.”
a. “And that’s why you’re soft.”
29. “I think I ate too much gluten this morning.”
a. “There seems to be an epidemic of subclinical Celiac disease spreading exclusively in the US.”
30. “My genetics/metabolism suck; I was just born to be fat.”
a. “Yea, you keep telling yourself that…”
31. “I just took a shower and don’t want to get all sweaty.”
a. “Order of operations in full effect.”
32. “I’ll just eat less today and skip the cardio.”
a. “Same difference anyway.”
33. “Starbucks is closed and I haven’t had any coffee.”
a. “One does have to wonder how people operate without caffeine?”
34. “My training partner is sick, what will I do for a spot?”
a. “I don’t know, ask somebody for one?”
35. “I only have time to train before work this afternoon, but I’d rather sleep in.”
a. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
36. “I haven’t had any carbs today; I’m too irritable to train.”
a. “Well whose fault is that?”
37. “I don’t want to miss my primetime television shows.”
a. “I always wondered why the gym is so quiet in the evening.”
38. “My thumbs are too sore from playing Call of Duty all day.”
a. “Your K-to-D ratio is more important than your health anyway.”
39. “I got a flat tire on the way to the gym.”
a. “Oh shucks, you should have called me; my little sister could have helped you.”
40. “I was told not to workout after 7PM because it interferes with sleep.”
a. “Interesting, so are athletes all insomniacs or something?”
41. “I forgot my wrist straps, how will I deadlift?”
a. “Build some forearms, it won’t kill ya.”
42. “I already walked to the water fountain at work a couple times today, that’s plenty of cardio.”
a. “That is a tiresome 50-foot trek isn’t it?”
43. [Hot weather] “There’s no AC in the gym.”
a. “Your body has a built-in mechanism to keep you cool, it’s called sweating.”
44. [Cold weather] “There’s no heat in the gym.”
a. “I think that’s why long clothing exists.”
45. “My car is low on gas.”
a. “Hmmmmm, what to do?”
46. “I stubbed my toe this morning.”
a. “Here, let me grab some tampons for you…”
47. “I just had sex and will lose all my gains if I train right now.”
a. “Hasn’t this been debunked like a million times already?”
48. [Female] “If I train with heavy weights I’ll just get bulky.”
a. [Shaking my head]
49. “My personal trainer won’t be in the gym today and I need someone to talk to.”
a. “Bummer, it’s tough not to pay someone to talk to you while you lift.”
50. “The gym is closed.”
a. “Rocky IV…watch it and get back to me.”
8 Comments
46. “I stubbed my toe this morning.”
a. “Here, let me grab some tampons for you…”
As a female lifter this pisses me off. You should be proud to be offered a tampon because it means you bleed for a week once a month and live. Being offered a tampon means you're strong enough to deal with all the physical issues on top of all the BS society gives you. If I ever hear a coach say this to an athlete, I'll punch them square in the nose.
here's an extra one:
"I'm busy reading 50 workout excuses on muscleandstrength.com" >.<
Now time to get to it!
51. " I don't have time to go to the gym today."
a. "How many hours of TV are you going to watch today?"
this just made my day, you sir are a genius!
And the "I was hungry so i ate and now i am too full to workout. Don't want to throw up. I'll workout in a few hours" A few hours later..."Now i am too sleepy from being full. I'll just workout harder tomorrow."
EPIC!! Pure Comedy!
Having the kids all day is a reason to get your ass out and to the gym
Haha, I can only imagine