It’s getting to be that time of the year again…
You know, when every guy in the gym thinks he can become Arnold in the next 6 months and starts wearing out #getbigordietrying on Instagram.
News flash, you might not be lean enough to consider bulking, let alone trying to resemble one of the greatest bodybuilders to ever walk the planet.
So, before you jump on GOMAD or start planning out your 5,000 calorie diet, take a moment to consider the context of the situation.
If you fall into one of these 6 categories then it’s time to step away from the buffet line and get your act together.
1. You Can’t See Your Shoes
No, your pecs aren’t that big, your gut is just getting out of control. You can keep telling yourself that you’re just building an extra layer to keep yourself warm in the winter but we all know the truth.
Listen slick, you can’t change the facts but you can do something about them. If you’ve lost sight of your nikes then I’d say it’s about time to man up and put in some work.
2. Your Stringer Tank Resembles a Sports Bra
If you’re going to rock a stringer, then you better be reasonably lean or at least have an upper body that resembles a granite statue of Hercules.
Trust me, when I speak for the entire female fitness community in saying that you probably shouldn’t rock a stringer if your mid drift is showing. Do the whole gym a favor and keep that shard of clothing in your dresser where it belongs.
3. Dips are No Longer an Exercise, They’re Preceded by Chips
Guac or queso? To be honest, it doesn’t matter because you’re probably crushing both on the regular.
Being able to control your bodyweight against the influence of gravity is one of the easiest ways to measure relative strength as you get heavier.
Gained 10lbs during your bulk and lost the ability to do chin-ups? Time to put down your fork and start pushing the prowler.
4. You’re Considering Taking Up Powerlifting to Avoid a Cut
Alright, before you get your knickers in a twist and go express yourself via social media, let me just clarify that last statement.
I realize that not everyone who participates in the sport of powerlifting is going to be overweight, slow, or out of shape. In fact, I have a number of good friends who are involved in powerlifting and maintain a lean physique while staying strong, mobile, and athletic.
Just keep in mind that your goals reflect your priorities. If you don’t want a six pack, that’s fine; but don’t bother complaining about your lack of “shreds” the next time you’re going to the beach because that was your call, not mine.
5. “Family Size” is a Normal Meal for You
Microwave dinners have taken on an entirely new meaning lately. Instead of watching your waistline, you’ve been watching the number on the scale climb instead.
If your nightly meal includes a full hungry-man and a pint of ben and jerry’s then it’s time to slow your roll. That is, unless you’re just looking for a new roll. If that’s the case, then head back for seconds, nothing like adding a little extra fluff to that winter coat you’ve been rocking year round.
6. You’re Reading This Article
This should be obvious, no? If you weren’t worried about your bulk or your body composition then why are you still reading?
The fact of the matter is something led you here so it’s pretty clear that you’re concerned about your bulk going too far.
Too Big to Bulk?
You’re never too big to bulk but there's a good chance you might be too fat.
Sure, we could highlight the physiological implications from bulking with poor body composition but, at the end of the day, discussing the influence of GLUT-4 translocation on nutrient partitioning probably doesn’t pique the interest of most internet bros.
Rather than worry about the changes in cellular signaling, it’s time to take an honest look in the mirror and stop lying to yourself.
"If youre reading this you need to shred" lol maybe Mike should bulk every once and awhile. Where your calves at homie?
Ha the article was entirely satirical by nature Mitch so take it with a grain of salt. But in all seriousness, I'm not going to waste my time training calves when I could be deadlifting.
However, don't judge a book by its cover. I'm 6'3" for reference and I started at 130lbs back in 2013 and now I'm pushing 200. This is a marathon, not a sprint.